* There is always one more bug.

* Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy.

* No good deed goes unpunished.

* A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

* The other line always moves faster.

* Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.

* Never eat prunes when you are famished.

* In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

* Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

* All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.

* Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

* Beauty is only skin deep; ugly goes to the bone.

* If you try to please everybody, nobody will like it.

* A bird in a man's hand is safer than one overhead.

* If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.

* When in doubt, mumble; when in trouble, delegate.

* A short cut is the longest distance between two points.

* In any field, everything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

* It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

* You will always find something in the last place you look.

* Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

* Everybody will have a scheme to get rich that will not work.

* Left to themselves, things will always go from bad to worse.

* In order to get a lone you must first prove you don't need it.

* Every piece of string, cut to size is always one inch too short.

* If it jams, force it; if it breaks it needed replacement anyway.

* Murphy's golden rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.

* A $300.000 picture tube will protect a 10c fuse by blowing first.

* Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

* Every story has two sides: yours and mine, and one hidden side.

* If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

* Build a system that even a fool can use and only a fool will use it.

* The repairman will never have seen a model quite like yours before.

* There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

* The light at the end of a tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.

* Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost more than you thought.

* No one's life, liberty or property is safe while the legislature is in session.

* Everybody should believe in something - I believe I'll have another drink.

* To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression. (Freudian psychology).

* Leakproof seals - will; self starters - will not; interchangeable parts - won't.

* Any tool dropped while repairing a car will roll underneath exactly to the center.

* A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth.

* If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.

* When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman it will work perfectly.

* The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.

* If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.

* In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence and then remains there.

* You'll remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.

* If there is any possibility of several things going wrong, the most catastrophic combination will occur.

* No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be cheaper somewhere else.

* The chance of a piece of bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.